When we have shifted into new terrain because of change, sometimes our familiar language is no longer adequate to say what we mean to say. Our limited language ends up trying to compress ourselves into a smaller place than we are now able to live within.

We benefit by allowing ourselves to expand into that silent new space that has no words, but may have images or feelings that invite us to experience our evolving selves perhaps more physically than verbally. If we can only have the courage and patience to be still and surrender into the feeling and quiet that fills and surrounds us, we can grow into the new yet-to-be-known-and-named parts of ourselves. We may need to surrender to a feeling of helplessness, or perhaps undefined boundaries or a connectedness we may not recognize as ourselves. This may include pain or loss and may lead to bewilderment. It is useful to remember that identity and ideology are ideas formed that must be altered as we grow into ourselves. And so must our means of expressing ourselves be modified to feel true and fitting.

It is helpful to consider bewilderment a relative of wonder. And wonder can only lead to an opening of the heart and mind. But the transition involved in learning and growth can be a place of silence or a sense of lostness or confusion temporarily. Or awe, at times. We can learn  to fear it less and accept it as a new dream. I am becoming….This helplessness, this surrender, this relinquishing of a false sense of control can be thought of as refreshment. A clearing of the old files. In this deep moment of  “failure” we may discover a falling in love with life.

Not necessarily joy,  but a beautiful and humble surrender that leads us to a truth we seldom acknowledge and may not find easy to name. Perhaps a letting go. So it seems that that very inability to name is a sort of freedom to wonder, to be bewildered, to be brought home to just this. This here. This now. This new place I inhabit.